All single ladies put your hands up, heads up. I give a round of applause, followed by a standing ovation to you all single women.

It is an issue I should come out with when I hit thirty-something. But it is never too soon to reveal it even when I am in twenty three going on twenty four.

Ok, what is going on with every body lately? Why does every one seem to be taking good care (more of a concern) of me on every weeding reception or gathering by asking me, “where is your boyfriend?”

I tell you girls, this is all for the single ladies who are feeling tired to be asked questions about boyfriend-thing and who think that what other people say about your-biological-clock-is-ticking-so-you-better-find-someone-right-now-before-it’s-too-late is no longer a tolerate statement.

We are single ladies (read. Me), who always feel somehow unsatisfied and often pretend to be strong, In fact, we act as if nothing happen (well, it actually happens) and trying so hard not to worry about tittle-tattle words from others but we have choices, I meant a lot choices whether we want to listen the discord tone bugging our ears or just listen to your heart.



When you already sick of people saying, “Maybe you are not trying hard enough or maybe you are too picky.” let me give a clear picture what a single woman should do with this kind of situation.

You do not have to say YES when a guy asking you to hang out with him in last minute call. When guys told me, “Try to straighten up your hair or rebonding to make it more tidy.”, or when someone comment, “Change you profile picture on YM, it is so ‘engga banget’!”, or when a guy telling you, “Gezz, Novi put some make up, you look plain!” or when someone advise you, “Wear a skirt more and jeans less, you should try to be like her (he pointed the pretty girl next door), you should learn how to cook you should that, you should this bla.bla.bla.bla..” , or when someone trying to be your fashion”nista” advisor, “Nope, the hat is not fit on you, here.. try this, I like this one more.”
Wo ho hoh wo..! Wait! You are not my father or even my boyfriend yet so it would be nice and look good on you if you keep your mouth shut! In fact if it is a truth, I do not want to hear the truth. I only want to hear what I want to hear!

I do not want to rebonding my hair, I was born with wavy hair and it will stay like this whenever I want! I do not want to put too much make up that make my skin itchy and dimple, I like my hideous face on my YM profile picture, I love jeans, I love to eat A LOT, I hate diet program! Why I should change what I like that I am comfortable with? If you feel you are not finding the woman you looking for in me, then do not step forward, because you are wasting your time.

Finding someone is not like time ticking up to go out and pick up any chump or listen the experts’ advice to lower our qualification in our dream guy / girl. You do not have to do that.

When you decide to live the rest of your life with someone, we are allowed to choose carefully and wisely with mindfulness not just because to accomplish the age deadline. Once you choose, you are responsible for your life and live with that for the rest of your life without ANY regret.

When people asking what I am looking for in a man, I will say "I do not need a good looking man with all the bling-bling stuffs and title things. I see a man if he can share the same interest with me, who thinks that bungee jumping, rafting, biking, diving, hiking, climbing and backpaking are on our 100 list to do before we go old and boring, a guy who feel excited when I am asking him to cycling or to go out even just to the museums, the flea market or other historical objects, a person who can teach me about wisdom and take Vipassana or other retreat together, a guy who thinks that I look very sexy in his big T-shirt rather than force my self to wear the unfit lingerie, a guy who can take my breath away with his mysterious way.”

“When the students ready, the master appears” How do you interpret the proverb?
I have spent 20 commemoration of Vesak day each year but I never felt the real sensation like yesterday. That explains if I am some kind of a dunce or something.

Yesterday, I did come right on time before the ceremonial started which I usually missed 15 minutes late-least. Finally, I sat calm without talking for once since all my friends are in the different seats and rows; I chant the paritta without discord tone; I follow the meditation as we all trying to increase mindfulness; I took a fully attention to the Bhante’s dhammadesana; I did the Padakkhina (Circumambulation three rounds, always keeping the object of worship to the right and with the hands clasped together in adoration) with fully awareness of present.

While I did the Padakkhina ritual, walking along the road, circling three times, at that moment I can really sure you that I am one of the happiest person I ever felt in my whole life. I don’t know why I can so that blissful. First I thought that the high spirit must be some delightful as I have plan with friends to go to starbucks coffee after the ceremony and drinking one tall Caramel Java chips with ½ price, but it’s not the only reason.

The reason why we happy or sad can be answered by ourselves. I can control if I wanted to be happy or to feel sad on my own. One of my friend text me the other day, “Happiness or sadness, joyful or sorrow depends on ourselves on our thoughts, not determined by external factors. Happiness is state of mind not a set of circumstances. I can choose to be happy today.” She’s absolutely right.

The other reason maybe because of Dhammadesana content by Bhante Sri Paññavaro Mahāthera. Based on the Buddha taught, Bhante told us if we want to be happy, secure, and successful in life, we must rely on ourselves and hold ourselves responsible for our actions or inaction. The Buddhist law of kamma teaches us not only self-responsibility for our deeds, but also that the results (vipaka) of past deeds can be nullified partly or wholly by present skillful, energetic action, self control. We must forget the past, assume responsibility for present action, and determine to shape our life in the way we want according to the principles of the Dhamma. In this way we can face the future with confidence and after we can conquer ourselves, our ego then we can delivered on the life of members within the family and within the society, all human beings. The ideal relationships that we should develop with respect to our family and the society at large are based on the acceptance of reciprocal responsibilities between people.

Buddhist believe in a just and rational law of universe that operates objectively, automatically and speak in terms of cause and effect instead of rewards and punishments from the supreme beings a.k.a you-know-whom-I-talking-about.

May all beings be happy.

"By self is one defiled,
By self is one purified."

There is a point of darkness time for everyone must face. Someday we all will receive what is coming to us. Everybody else is gonna get theirs too; it’s a fact that everyone must meet their moment of truth.

Yesterday was one of the grey days of my life. Luckily I still have friends to hang with and clear up the day for a while. We watch the Monster and Alien movies. The story is quite similar with our life that we living in and we face it on our daily basis of life.
It’s a story about a woman named, Susan who about to married with a news presenter. On her wedding day, she got crack down by a meteor and transform into a giant monster. Her life wouldn’t be the same again from that day, good bye to her Paris honeymoon, her going-to-be-husband and goodbye to her normal life.

Meanwhile, the audiences: us, unconsciously... we are not only the watcher, yet we are the Actors!

When things are not going as you have planned, when you dreams not come true, when your hope is falling apart, when your prays had not been answered or when you feel the universe seems not cooperate with you, you find your self in the darkness day of your life, feel no one can't understand you, even yourself.

This is for all those who now in sorrow and confusion finding a grip;

- For you who failed in your exam even you have studied hard for a week
- When your lectures reject your thesis many times and stuck with your final project
- When you lost in legislative voting.
- For you who have a family problems.
- For you who got letter from the university that informed you didn’t get the scholarship abroad.
- For you who cancel the entire journey because a bad patch reason.
- For you who are now in financial crisis or in debt a big value of money.
- For you who still unemployed wondering why no one hire you and starting juggling in your head.
- For you who already get your dream job, yet you found that the job, the boss, the colleagues, the company aren’t fit with you, as if you are in the wrong planet working with aliens.
- When your competitor, your colleague plagiaries your ideas that suppose to be yours.
- For you who still searching for the right companion of love but you haven’t meet him/her and right now you feel so damn lonely.
- For you who already found yourself in a relations with someone yet now you’re facing some kind of relationship rage. It could be a different point of view, a different belief, affairs, unsteady, uncompromised or misunderstanding.
- For you who think your marriage is the worst decision you have ever made in you life.
- For couples who hasn’t got a baby yet and starting hopeless to visit doctors.
- For a single woman/man who find your friend that you have ever crushed since a long time already found his/her love without you.
- For the truth that a person you interested in already married.
- For you who find yourself interested with your similar gender. Your family, the society didn’t accept you except labeling as dykes or faggots until you don’t accept yourself either.
- For you who compare successful in someone’s shoes and feel pretty much like a loser.
- For you who now suffering some kind of pain, a dungeon of a broken heart or malignant disease that conked out your mental, physical and spiritual.
- For you who still in grief and try to survive the loss of your lover or your family.
- For you who are now looking backward for some emotional and spiritual help.

Life is difficult for everyone and that it is difficult because we are always grasping and craving something we DON NOT HAVE. The struggles, the heartbreaks, the fear, the hurt, sadness, loneliness, embarrassment all of them is a TRUTH – that life brings with it suffering, that we suffer because we are ALWAYS WANTING SOMETHING MORE. Yet, there’s a path out of suffering.

We are able to transform the tragedies of our lives into our own deep experience of enlightenment. The disaster or bliss will not take forever, nothing last forever. The law of impermanent really works, everything changes as long as we still in the circle of attachment with fleeting things.

Once we accept that we are responsible for our own lives, anything good can happen. We forgot that sometimes no matter what, in the end, you and I are responsible for ourselves, No one else. Not our parents, lovers, friends, partners, husbands/wifes, sisters or brothers. When we admit to this responsibility and embrace it, all sort of barriers to spiritual growth falls away. I know it’s easier to know the theory but very difficult to practice.

Accept it, put a big beautiful smile, open your heart and greet to the un-wanting circumstances as an honor guests.

See things as the way it is, accept things as the way it is.
I bow to the ground in gratitude for all tragedies and miracles in my life.
May all beings be happy.

Seberapa sering kita telah melewatkan kesempatan untuk melakukan kebaikan kecil yang mungkin dapat membuat orang lain atau mahluk lain merasa sedikit berbahagia?

Ini adalah sebuah kisah yang terjadi di kehidupan saya sehari-hari, dimana kesempatan tersebut mungkin tidak akan kembali untuk kedua kalinya.


Selasa, 31 Maret 2009 pukul 06:55 wib
saya berada di perempatan lampu merah Masjid Al’mushawarah menuju Vihara yang terletak di Kelapa Nias Raya untuk berdana makanan kepada bhante yang lagi menginap di kuti vihara. Pada saat lampu merah menyala, puluhan kendaraan bermotor mulai memadati kawasan Kelapa Gading di pagi hari.

Di sebelah kanan tepat di sisi sebelah kanan saya, terdapat putaran letter U menanjak arah ke perumahan Kelapa Nias dalam. Awalnya pandangan mata saya terfokus pada lampu merah berharap berubah menjadi hijau secepatnya, namun tanpa sengaja pandangan saya dialihkan oleh pemandangan seorang bapak setengah baya dengan pakaian lusuh, kurus, otot betis kaki penuh varises dan bertelanjang kaki membawa gerobak penuh dengan kayu-kayu berpaku. Sepintas saya mengamati dengan acuh tak acuh, rupanya dari gaya pakaian dan gerobak yang dibawa saya dapat menebak kalau bapak itu pasti tukang pengumpul barang bekas. Rupa-rupanya bapak tersebut mau jalan ke arah putaran letter U yang memang sedikit menanjak. Berkali-kali bapak tersebut mencoba untuk menarik gerobaknya sambil melompat-lompat karena isi gerobaknya penuh dengan kayu berpaku sedangkan tubuh bapak tersebut tidak cukup kuat untuk menyeimbangkan gerobak agar maju ke depan. Berkali-kali dia mencoba, saya hanya melihat dari motor terpana dan merasa iba, berharap ada orang yang membantunya, begitu juga dengan para pengendara lainnya hanya menatap dari kejauhan sambil menunggu lampu merah.

Beberapa saat berlalu, bapak itu belum juga berhasil maju kedepan dan belum ada orang yang membantunya. Dalam pikiran saya terbesit, saya ingin sekali membantu bapak itu, tapi tidak mungkin karena saya sedang mengendarai motor dan di depan lamou merah, kalau saya turun dari motor, tiba-tiba lampu hijau menyala pasti orang-orang pada klaskon dan terlalu bahaya bagi saya untuk sembarangan menaruh motor di jalan raya, lagipula saya mengejar waktu karena 5 menit lagi dana makanan dimulai. Pikiran-pikiran tersebut terlalu kuat daripada niat untuk membantu. Lampu hijau pun menyala dan akhirnya saya melaju meninggalkan bapak tersebut yang tadinya hanya berjarak 1 meter dari saya.

Ada perasaan menyesal setelah saya tiba di vihara, mengapa saya tidak membantu sebentar untuk mendorong gerobaknya, mengkawatirkan 5 menit terlambat untuk berdana makanan dan khawatir apabila motor ditinggal di jalan raya akan terjadi hal-hal yang tidak diinginkan, saya memilih untuk melepaskan kesempatan di depan mata yang memang benar-benar sedang memerlukan pertolongan. Lain halnya apabila motor saya diserempet (amit-amit), kendaraan yang menyerempet saya, pasti akan saya kejar dan kalau perlu pada saat di lampu merah pun akan saya hadang dengan cara berhenti di tengah jalan agar kendaraan tersebut tidak dapat kabur.

Rabu, 01 April 2009, pukul 19:30 wib

Saya berada di lapangan parkir Sport Mall untuk berjalan masuk karena mau latihan. Di tengah pintu masuk sebelah Papa Ronz Pizza terdapat seekor anjing berbulu keriting warna hitam sedang duduk manis di tangga. Orang yang lalu lalang hanya berhenti sebentar dan bertanya dari mana asal anjing bagus ini dan sebagian membelai anjing tersebut, begitu pula dengan saya. Seorang wanita muda berkata kepada saya, ”Anjing-nya lucu banget, kesian deh lagi nangis itu keluar air matanya.” Saya perhatikan lagi secara seksama, benar anjingnya duduk sambil mengeluarkan air mata!!! Saya bertanya kepada petugas parkir yang sedang berjaga dan dia berkata dia sedang menunggu majikannya di dalam sport mall yang tak kunjung kembali. Ketika saya membelai anjing (sepertinya campuran poddle) tersebut saya merasakan napasnya yang tersenggal-senggal. Sejenak saya terbesit untuk membelikan sepotong pizza Papa Ronz untuk anjing tersebut, mungkin saja dia lapar belum makan berhari-hari melihat kondisi badannya yang banyak debu dan dahan pohon nyagkut di bulu keritingnya.

Lagi-lagi niat baik saya dikalahkan oleh pikiran, ”waduh uda telat nih, terus kalau nanti gue deket ni anjing entar kalau majikannya kemabli ,disangka gue mo culik lagi. Lain kali aja deh, abis latihan kalo engga nanti gue cek lagi.”

Akhirnya saya berlalu masuk ke dalam tanpa membelikan makanan apapun...

Sesampai di tempat latihan, ternyata latihan belum dimulai dan untuk kedua kalinya saya merasa menyesal kenapa saya tadi tidak menyempatkan diri untuk membelikan makana untuk anjing tersebut. Pulang latihan sudah larut malam saya tidak melihat anjing itu lagi.

Apakah saya akan melewatkan kesempatan untuk berbuat baik yang ketiga, keempat, kelima, keenam kalinya?

Coretan ini bagi sosok yang hening di luar, gelisah di dalam. Hampir seluruh mulut bertanya mengapa setelah sekian lama ini belum juga menemukan bayangan sejati belahan diri? Dari tampak luar, sosok ini sesekali bergeming menanggapi pertanyaan yang diajukan, sisanya disimpan dalam hati.

Cukup sulit diterima oleh masyarakat Indonesia ataupun etnis Cina perihal masalah gadis yang sudah diatas belia yang belum juga menemukan seseorang untuk meminang. Apalagi jika wanita itu sudah akan mencapai titik setengah baya belia tua, namun menyandang status lajang belum tentu dapat disebut perawan tua. Tau dari mana wahai kerumunan sosial bila dia masih perawan? Kalaupun dia masih perawan, apa ada masalah dengan mempertahankan status suci bersihnya? Apa ada yang berani menyebut para suster Katholik dan Bikkhuni Buddha yang memang sudah tua dengan cap Perawan Tua?

Sejalan dengan kisah lainnya, pria-pria lajang yang telah mencapai usia kehidupan 30 tahun lebih kurang. Beberapa dari mereka sesungguhnya tidak lagi terlalu memikirkan untuk memiliki pendamping hidup, karena didesak oleh dorongan akan rasa bakti kepada keluarga dan lagi-lagi mulut usil umum sebagai tuntuan sosial, mereka menyingkirkan rasa ego mereka sementara. Sebagian dari mereka tampak tenang menjalani keseharian, tapi dibalik kesibukan untuk pencapaian jenjang kekuatan, status dan apresiasi diri, sesungguhnya mereka juga mulai resah untuk menapaki sebuah perjalanan yang panjang. Ada yang berusaha untuk mulai mecari dan mengseleksi sesuai karakteristik dan standarisasi, namun ada juga yang hanya bermimpi untuk mendapatkan bidadari cantik tanpa didukung dengan usaha dan juga perubahan dari dalam diri. Mengharapkan malaikat datang ke ruang hati mereka tanpa harus susah payah terbang menjemput di awan, atau berpangku tangan tanpa berusaha mencari sayap untuk menyusul dia yang saga.

Saya jadi merasa tersindir sebagai khalayak ramai yang juga sering turut serta dalam menilai sosok-sosok nafas dalam kehampaan, jangan-jangan saya adalah salah satu yang juga memiliki nafas itu.